Welcome to Old Hogwarts!
by LilStripedTomato
Summary: Dumbldore decides to write a new school song that will appeal to his students. Unfortunately, he listens to Guns N Roses for inspiration! How will it turn out? Hilarity, indeed! Please R&R!


_Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! I know, I know, you guys haven't heard from me in a while! I'm sorry, I've been busy. Check out my bio to know why I've been gone. Anywho, to all of my avid readers who want me to update when I don't really have time to write anything, here you go! This little ditty popped into my head yesterday at work, and that was not good! I was at my computer and listening to my diskman while typing up some reports when I put in Appetite for Destruction by Guns N Roses. Well, 'Welcome to the Jungle' comes on and out of nowhere I get this mental image of Dumbledore singing and dressed all freaky, then as Axl starts singing the words to this just pop out from the same nowhere! I find this hilarious and start laughing like a loon in the middle of the office! Unfortunately my supervisor didn't find it so funny. Alas! Hope you do! Please review, and as always... be nice! Oh, and go check out my other fics, I promise I'll update **Potion** and **Beard** soon! Also, did anyone else watch the Happy Days 30th anniversary reunion today? It was so good! I love that show!_

_Disclaimer: I own the insane lyrics. They came from the strange and wonderful abyss that is my brain. The song 'Welcome to the Jungle',what Dumbledore got his music and ideas from, belongs to Guns N Roses. The 'band' belongs to themselves, as does ol' Dumbley. Sadly, I also do not own Severus Snape or Axl Rose. I will say this fact, but will not accept it! I will own them someday! Someday, muahahahahaha!_

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**Welcome to Old Hogwarts!**

Professor Dumbledore was feeling old. Really old. Really, really old. He felt that he just wasn't up to current trends with the youngsters anymore. After all, this wasn't 1932 anymore! He wanted to get with the times, really connect more with the students! He wanted to have them think of him as a 'groovy, far-out hep cat!'

So, the old Headmaster thought of a brilliant idea! He would write a new school song, one that would appeal to the younger generation! It was an ingenious plan! He quickly ran off to learn more about some 'funky' new music from the modern kid's trends!

He had gone into Severus's room and looked through what the Potions Master had called his 'CD collection', and randomly picked one to listen to and base his creation off of. Too bad Snape wasn't there to show him his error as he picked up one with a pretty cover called 'Appetite for Destruction' and ran off to begin his work!

* * *

It was right after the Sorting Ceremony, and the students were waiting for Professor Dumbledore to give his speech so they could eat. He stood up and announced, "I have devised a new school song, and with the help of some of your professors, I'd like to sing it for you! I am very proud and I'm sure that you all will approve!" He then gleefully skipped down the steps to a rather large and previously unnoticed stage, where it was dark. There, he clicked his fingers and a spotlight shone down on him.

One more finger snap and his robes had gone! In their place were a pair of tight, faded blue jeans with rips all over them and a tight, black sleeveless t-shirt. You never really noticed how scrawny and stickly he was with the robe on, but now he looked like a scarecrow with a beard! He still wore his favorite purple hat with stars on it, and now also had accessories including thick chain bracelets, a dog-collar necklace (barely visible due to his beard, but he thought it was a nice touch.), some black boots, and large chains dangling from his black belt. Dumbledore now looked very frightening, indeed! He did not notice how terrified his students were looking, and said, "Alright, let's begin!"

A spotlight fell next to him, and in it was a strange figure. It was a man wearing a top hat on a mass of black curls that covered his face. He was dressed similarly to Dumbledore, but with a black jacket on. In his hands he held a guitar, which he promptly began to play, quite well, actually. A second guitar joined in, and a third light revealed another man with light brown hair. Another look showed it to be Professor Lupin! He was very talented as well, and the music was not too bad. A light on Professor Sprout as she began playing bass was soon after this, and we were a bit shocked at the 'band' so far. It was about to get scarier! In a moment or so, a nice drum beat started in and another light shone on a woman playing the drums. She was rather thin and had a hat on, and the students realized in horror that it was strict Professor McGonagall… playing the drums!

Well, the students that hadn't keeled over in disbelief sat there dumbstruck, listening to their teachers playing. It was then that their Headmaster began to sing, and then they were disturbed at how much his voice could screech and sound like Axl Rose! He began their 'new school song' with gusto, and soon after he started singing he began dancing strangely around the stage with his long beard and hair flying around haphazardly. He thought things were going quite well, and was sure that the kids would love the song and accept him as one of them after this!

* * *

_Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__We've got Quidditch games!  
__You'll take lots of cool classes,  
__There's a list of there names!_

_We are the school where you can find,  
__Whatever you may need!  
__And here lives Madam Pomfrey,  
__Who can cure any disease!_

_In old Hogwarts,  
__Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__Oh, you're young with scabby…  
__N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- knees, knees!  
__Oh, you're here 'til you're seventeen!_

_Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__In four Houses you can go!  
__It's usually the Sorting Hat  
__Who does this sort of show!_

_Gryffindors are really brave!  
__Hufflepuffs, they are so sweet!  
__The Ravenclaws are brainy!  
__Slytherins say 'kiss my feet!'_

_In old Hogwarts,  
__Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__Vicious plants in Greenhouse…  
__Th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-t Three, three!  
__Oh, they can bite and make you bleed!_

_Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__We'll teach you every day!  
__Learn to use all your magic skills,  
__And then outdoors you can play!_

_It's terrific, can't you see?  
__This is the place you wanna be!  
__And if you ever get the munchies,  
__Come get a lemon drop from me!_

_In old Hogwarts,  
__Welcome to Old Hogwarts!  
__Our groundskeeper's so…  
__H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h- hairy, hairy!  
__Oh, his pets will make you scream!_

_You'll learn to fly, but sometimes…  
__You get bludgered down.  
__So down.  
__So down.  
__So down!_

_Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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After this, the first mysterious guitarist began a very rockin' solo, in which he really got into the music and started banging his head to the tune! Unfortunately, his wig flew off into the crowd to reveal… Professor Snape! While the students gasped in horror, he didn't even notice, and kept playing happily. Dumbledore continued his singing, dancing overto Snape and placing the fallen top hat back on his head.

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_You know where you are?  
__You're in old Hogwarts, kiddies!  
__You might just die!  
_

_In old Hogwarts,  
__Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__With winged horses you can't…  
__S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s- see, see!  
__Oh, they're real, believe me!_

_Oh, in old Hogwarts,  
__Welcome to old Hogwarts!  
__You're so young with scabby knees!  
__And stuck here 'til you're seventeen!  
__Oh, please don't run away and scream!_

_We're gonna teach you magic!  
__Yeah!

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With that, the professors had apparently finished their lovely performance and with another click of his fingers the Headmaster had madeback to normal. The teachers walked back up to their table and sat down like nothing had happened, while Dumbledore just stood there expectantly. Most of their audience just sat there with their mouths agape like codfish. Those students who were still capable of rational thought, despite the highly irrational and unnatural event that just occurred, broke out into hesitant applause. The Headmaster beamed and bowed as if he had recieved a standing ovation, then walked up and took his seat among his musicians. "Let the feast begin!" he announced to the room. To himself, he muttered quietly, "Yup! I still got it!"


End file.
